Give Yourself Permission
It’s a powerful thing to give yourself permission to be relevant in your own life. I know that’s a weird sentence so let’s unpack that.
Ideally, we have a pulse on what it is we want and need in life. And that want and need is enough for us to act. Enough to make ourselves relevant in our own decisions and actions. This is what I mean when I say - you give yourself permission.
Not so ideally, we adapt to our environment and go with what external factors permit and accept as normal. In this scenario, we’re ignoring our own wants & needs and instead trusting external factors that are beyond our control.
External permission to leave a relationship: Waiting for your relationship to get really nasty and unbearable to leave.
Internal permission: Noticing that you’re not energized or fulfilled in the relationship and trusting that’s something you genuinely want and deserve.
External permission to leave a job: Some bizarre and “quit-worthy” experience
Internal permission to leave a job: My boundaries, time, talents are not being respected here the way I’d like them to be and I trust that I am deserving of something better.
External permission to quit drinking: DUI/friend pulling you aside to tell you they’re worried about you.
Internal permission to quit drinking: I don’t feel like I’m being my best self when I drink and I want to know what I’m capable of if I change my relationship with alcohol.
External permission to rewrite the script you’ve been given: A therapist tells me I experienced abuse/significant trauma in my upbringing that explains why I am the way I am.
Internal permission to rewrite the script you’ve been given: It’s not something that happened to me, but rather what didn’t happen. I notice areas where I want to reparent myself and be my own healer.
External permission to stop giving time to friends you’re not aligned with: We had a huge fight and don’t get along anymore.
Internal permission: I don’t have anything against these people but I don’t feel aligned when I’m around them. I’m okay with us growing apart in peace.
The message I want you to leave with is something doesn’t have to be AWFUL or tragic to leave your life. When we do have the external stamp of “this is worth leaving” it is way easier to explain and justify your actions to other people. But why are we living our life based on what makes the most sense to other people? Where are you relevant in that?
When we’re waiting on these external factors to validate that our experience is worthy of moving on, we’re reacting. When we’re noticing what we’re thinking and feeling internally, and giving ourselves permission to know that is enough, we are being proactive.
When we notice our experience, we’re basically becoming aware of what we’re thinking and feeling all day. And when we trust it is valid, we are not telling ourselves we’re crazy or stupid for feeling or thinking a certain way. We’re not spending our energy trying to justify our relationships or environments that don’t serve, because they’re “not that bad” or “people have it worse” or “it’s fine.”
What if you stopped the internal chitter chatter and instead noticed, and trusted what you’re experiencing? You don’t even need to act on it yet! Start small. Start to notice and then trust it. You have limited energy, limited resources and limited time on this planet. Why put anything towards literally fighting internally with yourself.
And I’ll actually go ahead and answer the above rhetorical question(why you’re not trusting your experience) - because it’s fuqqin' scary. When we listen to ourselves, we have the answers to our problems. When we listen to ourselves and trust our experience, you might need to take some messy steps to get out of your situation (quitting, breaking up, moving, having an uncomfortable conversation, going against what is expected). But goodness gracious holy moly is the reward worth it.
Imagine a life where you consistently put yourself in situations that lift you up, surround yourself with people who allow you to have an open heart, and you can fearlessly be yourself. You deserve that, and you have everything you need right now to achieve that. It’s only a matter of whether or not you’re giving yourself the permission to do so.