If you look through my notebook(one of the 4.8 million lying around my house, in every backpack, drawer, table, etc.) you’d find a lot of the same doodle. I realized I kept coming back to this web-looking doodle to help explain what I mean when I started telling clients to “make themselves relevant” in their own lives.
In this web with bubbles, each bubble represents a role we have in our lives. Ideally we are at the center (because this is our own life we’re talking about here) then all of our roles are external bubbles outside of us. Before we are able to show up for other people in these roles, we must first show up for ourselves at the center, then go from there.
While we’re all here - why don’t you do this for yourself? Go ahead, draw your web.
Think about the main roles you have in your life, or the “hats” you wear. Is there a bubble for being a parent? Spouse? Business owner? Caregiver? Grandparent?...
It’s a powerful thing to give yourself permission to be relevant in your own life. Let’s unpack that.
Ideally, we have a pulse on what it is we want and need in life. And that want and need is enough for us to act. Enough to make ourselves relevant in our own decisions and actions. This is what I mean when I say - you give yourself permission.
Not so ideally, we adapt to our environment and go with what external factors permit and accept as normal. In this scenario, we’re ignoring our own wants & needs and instead trusting external factors that are beyond our control.
External permission(EP) to leave a relationship: Waiting for your relationship to get really nasty and unbearable to leave.
Internal permission(IP): Noticing that you’re not energized or fulfilled in the relationship and trusting you want and deserve more.
EP to leave a job: Some bizarre and “quit-worthy” experience
The post isn’t going to make any sense if you don’t watch this video:Brené Brown's Marble Jar
Are you back? I missed ya! Read on.
Brené Brown possesses so much genius - I absolutely love where she takes this marble jar concept.
In her daughter Ellen’s situation, she would’ve added marbles to her hypothetical friends’ jars if they kept that secret to themselves. By honoring Ellen’s privacy and keeping her secret safe with them, more marbles (or trust) would have been added to the jar. Unfortunately, they shared Ellen’s secret with others which caused her to dump all the marbles out of those friends’ jars (or losing all her trust in those particular friends).
I pulled this video up in a session with my client this morning. At first, I wanted her to see who in her life has a marble jar that she keeps removing marbles from or worse, dumping the entire jar out to start from scratch. I then...
The older I get, the more I understand that my parents are in fact human beings first. They have many other roles and titles in their life besides “Mom” and “Dad.” That might be their favorite title, because I mean come on I’m a fantastic daughter and they’re very very lucky I call them that. Anyways, moving on.
My parents are individuals. They were many things before myself and my siblings came along. They have had and currently have many other roles outside of our home. They have many people beyond myself and my siblings who depend on them. They have stressors in life. They have goals. They have preferences. They have tried their best in life and they continue to try their best.
Family is the center of my parents’ world, but isn’t it crazy how they have other worlds which they belong to, love wholeheartedly and show up for? And that doesn’t take away from our family world. That’s in addition.
I was out with my family a few weeks ago. I saw something my brother was doing that I didn’t agree with so I turned to my Mom and said, “why is he doing that?” My Mom looked at him, looked back at me, shrugged, and said something that I will never forget.
“Not my circus, not my monkey.”
I thought, wow that’s a badass way to avoid getting tangled up in what other people are doing. It’s also super ironic because my brother is in fact, her monkey. But that’s neither here nor there.
Since I heard her say that, I haven’t stopped thinking about situations that are not my circus, not my monkey. And to be honest, I’ve found myself saying it a whole lot. There is so much that happens on a daily basis that I don’t need to concern myself or get involved with. That healthy separation is a game changer and can really cut out a giant amount of crap that is flat out not yours to concern yourself with. This funny...
I’ve talked to people about their careers, their relationships, their family, their friends. But no matter what the topic is at hand or what barrier a client is facing in life, we usually end up starting with how they can better show up for themselves.
The phrase “be yourself” is nice I guess, we hear it often. But phewwwwwie that is a loaded couple of words if you’re not firm on what it really means. And I am about 100% positive I’m not alone in the fight to still figure out who I am and what my purpose is.
In order to be myself, I need to first show up for myself. Being my best true self to me means finding a life where I can continuously live in ways I actually prefer. If I have continuity in my life, it’s because I am continuously doing what I like, what comes natural.
There’s the true self and there’s the role self. The role self is just that - the roles in our lives that make up who we are....
I used to be a pretty wild driver. Speeding around people who weren’t going fast enough for me, honking, eating, texting and do other asinine behaviors of the like.
When I was in high school, my friend’s mom, Jackie, was driving us to one of our basketball games. I don’t know what transpired to make the driver next to us so angry but she sped up, was yelling and waving her arms out the window, and physically threw something at our car. I was in the back seat ready to light torches, gather the village and see to it that this psychotic woman have her license revoked.
Without flinching or missing a beat Jackie said, “Wow, she must be having a bad day or something.”
I wasn’t in the right headspace to absorb this at the time, but I thought about it a couple of years later and it really changed me. I made a new rule for myself to stop getting angry at other drivers. It wasn’t long before I noticed how it improved my...
It’s been a trying but powerful week for my family. My Dad lost one of his best friends, Bill Hacke, who treated myself and my siblings like we were his own.
His funeral service yesterday was nothing short of incredible. His children shared stories about his boundless contributions to his family and community. They set the tone for how Mr. Bill will be remembered. As the day unfolded, I reflected on what exactly it was that made his life so rightfully idolized and his loss so equally painful. One word kept coming to my mind - vulnerability.
I recently read Dr. Brené Brown’s book Daring Greatly where she defined vulnerability as “uncertainty, risk and emotional exposure.” That’s it! That’s what Mr. Bill brought to the table (among many other things and Coors Light). It was no mystery how he felt about the people in his life because he was vulnerable and let them know what they meant to him. The theme that he lived...