A lot of people are in a dark and twisty place right now. Which is valid I mean Jesus we’re literally locked in our houses with the looming fear of a virus you can’t see or control knocking on our door. People are out of jobs, suffering, fearing for their health and life, worried about loved ones they can’t even see in person. I mean this is wild and there is no avoiding the fact that these are some trying times.
I find myself extra worried about several groups of people, one of them being the people I know who struggle with anxiety and depression like I do. This may be a difficult time. BUT. With fewer external logistic distractions (social obligations, people at work, family commitments, etc), this could be an opportune time for an internal shift.
If you find yourself spiraling into a negative place, I wanted to share some tips that have helped me personally and that I’ve seen help others. I’m a realist and I’m not throwing...
I think it’s safe to say COVID-19 has dialed up the anxiety, sent emotions into overdrive and pushed the majority of people “in the grip”.
According to the Myers-Briggs Company, being in the grip is when you “exhaust all the energy of your dominant function and your psyche flips into the opposite inferior function.”
For each of the sixteen Myers-Briggs personality types, there is an inferior functioning preference. This means out of all eight personality preferences, one of them is your least favorite. So based on your four-letter type (ISTJ or ENFP for example), you hold the key to what your favorite letters are AND what your least preferred letters are. This is the letter that shows up in your personality when you’re stressed out or “in the grip.”
This knowledge is power, especially at a strange time like the one we’re currently living through.
You know when the gas light comes on in your car to let you...
I bet you’ve never heard of Cait McKay’s Hierarchy of Self-Help because this is also the first time I’m hearing of it. But maybe you’ve heard of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs?
According to Psychology Today, “in 1943 the American psychologist Abraham Maslow proposed that healthy human beings have a certain number of needs, and these needs are arranged in a hierarchy. Some needs (such as physiological and safety needs) are more primitive or basic than others (such as social and ego needs). Maslow’s so-called ‘hierarchy of needs’ is often presented as a five-level pyramid, with higher needs coming into focus only once lower, more basic needs are met.”
I am by no means an expert on Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs(MHN) nor am I here to give you a full lesson on his theory. Maybe one day I’ll be equipped to do that, but for now I wanted to share my thoughts that tie MHN to the journey many of us are on these...
They didn’t respect me. If they did, they had a funny way of showing it.
They constantly said and did things that made me feel like I wasn’t enough. No matter what I did, it was never ever enough for their unclear and apparently unattainable expectations.
They didn’t let me rest or sleep in. When I rested they said I was lazy, even though I’ve always been a hard worker.
The relationship was controlled and lacked both authenticity and freedom. Few things felt natural or easy, most things felt heavy and serious.
They always put other people before me. Never even asking what I preferred or truly wanted. We would make fun plans together and they would blow them off to hang out with other people. It seemed like they never had time for me and they wouldn’t even acknowledge the times they blew me off. They did it with ease and no remorse. It was always yes to others and no to me.
They made me resent social media. I was...
“The spiritual life is like rowing a canoe away from a waterfall, if you stop rowing you are pulled backward.”
I love this quote Russel Brand shares in his book, Recovery.
I keep the image of myself rowing away from a waterfall in my mind constantly. You can apply this concept to anything, not only living a spiritual life. For me right now, the consistent “rowing” means living my most authentic life. The second I lose the connection to my authentic self and start doing things that aren’t true for me, or rowing, I can feel myself getting pulled backwards toward the violent bottom of the waterfall. In my case, this waterfall symbolizes the disconnected version of myself I want to stay away from.
Living a life that’s true for me requires awareness and consistent mindfulness. I can’t decide to live a mindful life one day, then the next day do something that feels totally untrue for me or who I am striving to be. It is...
Being a human being myself and working with other human beings, I notice that many of us have the unfortunate tendency to send ourselves the message that we should be doing more.
I think some people use this “more, more, more” approach constructively as a way to motivate themselves to be the best version of themselves they can be. Which has potential to be great and healthy if that’s what you’re actually doing. But I feel like the majority of people using this “more, more, more” approach are more externally focused and not very aligned with what truly feels good and right for themselves. (i.e. I must do more so my kids have the same holiday experience as the other families at school; I need to buy my friend an expensive gift because they bought me an expensive gift last year).
I challenge you to check in with yourself on this, especially as we are in the thick of the holiday season and closing the chapter on 2019.
The holidays can be koo koo ka ka insano (thank you Ilana Wexler). Are you being kind to yourself and working with what your natural preferences are? Or are you forcing yourself out-of-preference to check things off and get through December?
How do you direct and receive information?
This person is looking forward to the end-of-the-year work parties and family gatherings. Even after an eventful day at work, they’re ready to work the room with their gregarious energy. For those who prefer extroversion, the holiday season is all about absorbing the caring energy and magic in the air. Those who prefer extraversion are likely to experience the holiday season in some type of experiential and interactive way. You might find them volunteering with a group, Christmas caroling, hosting a gift exchange, or winning the ugly sweater contest at a party.
This person prefers to recharge by reflecting on their own, so these sociable holiday parties filling up their...
Pick any struggle you have. Literally any one of them. Now sit with the fact that there is someone who is currently or has struggled with the exact same thing or at least something very similar. They might not be on the other side of the world, they might even be the stranger sitting next to you in the coffee shop.
You are special my friend, but the things keeping you up at night are not as unique as you think. Lots of people are suffocating financially. Struggling with parenthood. Addicted to something or in recovery. Can’t lose the weight. Can’t find the career they want. Going through divorce. Trying to start a business. Setting boundaries with family. Working on finding new friends.
I’m not saying this to discount your experience. This shit is hard and whatever you’re working through is valid. But the challenges you face in life are not a permanent diagnosis. They are temporary and there are solutions at your fingertips and all...
If you’re looking for dating advice based on the title of this blog post, look elsewhere - I’ve successfully tricked you.
When I say “type” I mean Myers-Briggs Type. Carl Jung is the(freaking awesome) Swiss psychologist who developed personality type theory. In this theory, he defines eight different patterns of behavior, or types, which reflect the natural tendencies people have to use their minds in different ways. Essentially, your preferred type is the way you naturally want to do things. All eight of the preferences are good and necessary - there is no “ideal type” combination. As a society and as individuals, we need all eight.
Here’s the quick n’ dirty run down on the eight preferences:
To help understand this concept of preferences and type, think about the hand you prefer to write with. Can you write with your non-dominant hand? Sure you can, but it’s more uncomfortable and awkward than using...
I had an “a-ha” moment recently I (ironically enough) want to share with you.
I recently realized that when I don’t do what I’m called to do it’s often because I don’t know how it is going to be understood by others. What is my response to “What are you doing for work these days?” And how do I make my business decisions make sense in my Instagram bio, About Me section and marketing to the public? Stress.
I’m not necessarily worried in a “I hope they don’t think I’m weird” type of way (weird is cool). It’s more in a “I don’t feel like explaining this and their confusion and distant response to my ideas bums me out” kind of way.
So for a long time, I walked around with the victim mentality that nobody gets me. Nobody understands what I’m doing. And to be honest, how can someone understand what I’m doing if I don’t know what I’m doing?...